Easy Dining Christmas Skit
by
Pat Wenckus, Debbie Jones and Claudia Thomson
We made turkey and stuffing and hot mashed potatoes,
Yams and a ham and some fried green tomatoes.
But we had forgot - What our friends could have or have not.
Robert could not have cheddar, cuz it clashes with his meds.
Kay’s on a low carb diet, couldn’t sample any breads.
Wayne could not have onions, cuz they filled him up with gas.
Leslie could not have eggnog, cuz it knocked her on her ass.
We made Martha Stewart’s tart, sweet and highfalutin
That six people couldn’t eat, cuz it contained gluten.
Leo could not have shellfish, or he would asphyxiate
There wasn’t one damn item, that could stay on Linda’s plate.
Our soufflé was a masterpiece, so light and airy
But our guests couldn’t eat it cuz no one ate dairy,
We broke down and wept - If you’re vegan then why’d you accept.
Patsy got on her podium, on and on and on she went,
About the evils of sodium, PLUS - She’s lactose intolerant.
LaDonna was prone to bloating, couldn’t eat the broccoli.
Larry gets acid reflux, every time he looks at me.
When I put the turkey down, Diane had to say
“Ever since the world began, I can’t eat no tryptophan”.
So many here in the Crater, getting up in years you see,
Skipped the meal all together, talked about their surgeries.
So we said pass the beano and pour us some vino and screw it, next year -
YOUR HOUSE PLEASE!!
by
Pat Wenckus, Debbie Jones and Claudia Thomson
We made turkey and stuffing and hot mashed potatoes,
Yams and a ham and some fried green tomatoes.
But we had forgot - What our friends could have or have not.
Robert could not have cheddar, cuz it clashes with his meds.
Kay’s on a low carb diet, couldn’t sample any breads.
Wayne could not have onions, cuz they filled him up with gas.
Leslie could not have eggnog, cuz it knocked her on her ass.
We made Martha Stewart’s tart, sweet and highfalutin
That six people couldn’t eat, cuz it contained gluten.
Leo could not have shellfish, or he would asphyxiate
There wasn’t one damn item, that could stay on Linda’s plate.
Our soufflé was a masterpiece, so light and airy
But our guests couldn’t eat it cuz no one ate dairy,
We broke down and wept - If you’re vegan then why’d you accept.
Patsy got on her podium, on and on and on she went,
About the evils of sodium, PLUS - She’s lactose intolerant.
LaDonna was prone to bloating, couldn’t eat the broccoli.
Larry gets acid reflux, every time he looks at me.
When I put the turkey down, Diane had to say
“Ever since the world began, I can’t eat no tryptophan”.
So many here in the Crater, getting up in years you see,
Skipped the meal all together, talked about their surgeries.
So we said pass the beano and pour us some vino and screw it, next year -
YOUR HOUSE PLEASE!!
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